How To Stop Overreacting

Want to know how to stop overreacting? Here are 20 ways to finally stop overreacting and stay calm instead when angry.

Let’s chat about how to stop overreacting.

One of the biggest tasks of being a parent is learning not to overreact.

Instead we need to learn to be proactive parents and NOT BE SO REACTIVE.

So what do I mean by reactive?

Reactive is defined as acting in response to a situation rather than creating or controlling it.

Here are some examples of being reactive in parenting:

Your child reaches over for their iPad and you automatically lose it because you assume it means he is going to get sucked into a vortex of hours of wasted time on YouTube instead of the reality –he was really just going to do his homework.

Your child gives you a “bad” look which you automatically assume means she has a bad attitude or she’s being rude and disrespectful, even though she was really just frowning at something completed unrelated to you.

When we are reactive we tend to act on OUR OWN EMOTIONS in response to our children’s behaviour.

We tend to make assumptions.

We tend to assume the worst.

We tend to make mountains out of molehills.

And you know the worst thing about being reactive?

It’s that it’s our own thinking that gets us so fired up about their behaviour in the first place.

It is a reflex action that usually gets us into trouble because we aren’t thinking with a clear and rational mind.

Consider the following quotes:

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. Viktor E. Frankl

I believe that everyone chooses how to approach life. If you’re proactive, you focus on preparing. If you’re reactive, you end up focusing on repairing. John C. Maxwell

Are you doing what matters or just reacting to the noise? Brendon Burchard

Here are 20 tips on how to not to be so reactive in life and as a parent:

1 – Don’t always assume the worst.

Give your kids the benefit of the doubt. You raised them well, right? They often try to do their best.

2 – Keep your ultimate goal in mind.

Is your goal to raise kids who think it is normal to jump to conclusions about people and get angry about every single little thing?

Or is it to raise happy and well-adjusted kids who know what inner peace and calmness is from their first-hand experience of it in their own home?

HOW TO STOP OVERREACTING

3 – Learn to be proactive.

Proactive people create or control a situation by causing something to happen – that is, the most ideal response – instead of waiting to respond to it after it has happened.

They are in control of the situation instead of always feeling out of control.

HOW TO STOP OVERREACTING

4 – Give your child the opportunity, freedom and space to be more independent.

Be willing to take a deep breath while they learn to get good at this.

5 – Try to see things from your child’s perspective.

Did they have a different intention from the one you assumed it to be?

Did they really intend to start Word World 3 with you?

Are they feeling tired or rushed?

What do they need most from you right now: your love or your disapproval and punishment?

HOW TO STOP OVERREACTING

6 – Think about how you could react differently.

How would the kindest parent in the world react to the exact same situation?

What are the options you have at hand? Remember, you always have OPTIONS.

7 – Develop some self-control yourself.

Yes you! Reactive parenting is often linked to poor self-control and the tendency to lash out without thinking things through clearly first.

Stop and pause for a second.

What will be the consequences of your actions if you react in a negative manner to the situation at hand?

HOW TO STOP OVERREACTING

8- Examine your current state of mind.

I don’t mean to ask this in a “psychologist” sort of way; instead I mention this out of love and a desire for you to build a strong and healthy relationship with your child.

Are you feeling stressed and if so, what can you do to reduce that stress?

Are you feeling tired? If so, what can you do to reduce your fatigue?

Are you feeling sensitive? If so, check out this post on the power of developing thick skin.

HOW TO STOP OVERREACTING

9 – Understand that being reactive makes you feel POWERLESS.

Every time you react without thinking you lose your power as an individual.

You are at the mercy of your feelings and emotions.

Being proactive, to the contrary, makes you feel and stay in control of the situation.

HOW TO STOP OVERREACTING

10 – Examine your expectations.

Are they realistic?

Do you expect perfect behaviour at all times?

11 – Extend some grace to your children.

They are little humans, still learning and growing.

By showing your kids grace you teach them about love, forgiveness, kindness and compassion.

HOW TO STOP OVERREACTING

12 – Understand that reactive parenting has its consequences.

Researchers have found that parents who anger easily and over-react are more likely to have toddlers who act out and become upset easily.

13 – Understand that it is not just about you!

Your job as a parent is to guide your child through life.

Are your actions in line with supporting your kids on their journey?

Are you being kind and loving?

If not, it may be time to rethink your automatic reactions to parenting situations.

HOW TO STOP OVERREACTING

14 – Remember you can’t CONTROL the way your kids think and feel.

Here’s the truth: you can’t punish your kids into behaving the way you want them to.

Studies show unfair punishment only creates resentment, resistance and retaliation.

There is ALWAYS a better, fairer and kinder way to deal with every parenting situation.

15 – Respect your child’s personality and temperament.

You can’t expect your child to transform into a quiet kid ALL THE TIME if they are extroverted and talkative.

Just like you can’t expect a child to sit still ALL THE TIME if they are active and energetic.

This comes back to being realistic about your expectations.

Are your expectations aligned with your children’s abilities and capabilities?

HOW TO STOP OVERREACTING

16 – If your child IS misbehaving, remember the issue is about the behaviour itself and not the person.

Focus on the action and not the person.

Punish the deed and not the doer.

Don’t pin your child with a label that will be impossible for him or her to erase.

Don’t give your child a heavy load of a negative label to carry around on their shoulders everywhere.

17 – Know that angry mom = angry kids.

If for you, being reactive leads to anger, then you need to check out this post.

Angry mom usually equals angry kids.

Your Ultimate Goal is to control your Anger, Don’t let it Control You

HOW TO STOP OVERREACTING

18 – Stop for a second.

The moment a situation arises that you feel the instinct to react to STOP and TAKE A DEEP BREATH.

Ask: how can I tame the flame instead of making it spread like a bush fire, quickly out of control?

Then behave in that non-reactive way instead.

19 – Don’t make one bad day make you feel like you have a bad life or that you are a bad parent.

The beauty of life is that you can change your attitude at any moment and the moment you change your attitude you change your behavior.

HOW TO STOP OVERREACTING

20 –Make calm your number one goal.

Stay calm, think calm, behave with calmness and love with calmness.

You can choose your behavior and reaction, no matter how your child behaves.

If given a choice, opt for calmness.

Much love,

Frances Vidakovic

Before You Go…

Grab your free gift: How To Stop Self-Sabotaging Yourself Guide (4 steps to finally get out of your own way) CLICK HERE
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Frances Vidakovic

With a degree in psychology, Frances Vidakovic is a certified life coach, course creator and host of the Inspiring Life Podcast. Her superpower is transforming dreamers into doers, with simple, kick-up-the-butt strategies.