Who Someone Really Is | Cup of Jo (2024)

And isn’t the truth that we all have some “who someone really is” of our own…? Even though we might treat the waiter well, we absolutely love our parents, totally cool with dial up internet, love kids and puppies…but handle other things pretty badly. The real real is how we behave when we don’t get our way. When plans fall through, when you get fired, when you get betrayed by a friend, when your spouse cheats, when your plane gets grounded for hours and you have to wait and wait, when someone else gets favored over you but you deserve that promotion… or… what about the rude waiter, the parents who abandoned and abused you as a kid, what if you don’t love dogs but love monkeys…

There are a myriad of situations and stories as to who someone really is…

And yes, the breakup! THAT will speak volumes.

Haha! That was one of the things that impressed my then new boyfriend/ now husband. We went canoeing on one of the relatively flat easy rivers around here, and about twenty feet from the takeout we flipped! He grabbed the boat and our supplies, and I went swimming to catch my floating shoes. He was expecting some anger, maybe tears, definitely blame… I couldn’t stop laughing! It was funny! And a little water never hurt anyone. That ability to take (literal) upsets in stride was the first sign to him that maybe I was special.

My sister is seriously mentally handicapped and every year she spends 4 or 5 days with me and my husband at our home. His ease with her and the way he treats her just reinforces my decision to be with him.

Also, we take her to parties with our friends–all older people who don’t know any truly handicapped people–and they are amazing with her. And THAT reinforces out decision to live in our community.

Aside from my sister, I think the way people treat those in a service profession is the most telling, especially waitpeople. Years ago I finally had to tell my best friend that I couldn’t go out to eat with her anymore until she became aware of her behavior toward the waiters. Slightly not her fault, as she basically inherited the behavior from her mother, but in the end it was a good thing, as she changed her behavior. Part of it is about whether or not a person has had to work in a service job in their lives, but mostly it’s about empathy.

ha, aint that the truth!!! or take them to ikea!! http://thewanderlusthasgotme.blogspot.co.uk/2016/08/swingers-crazy-golf.html

So true, I think its so rude when people aren’t friendly to waitresses
xo

http://www.laurajaneatelier.com

Haha! This is hilarious. And kind of gross :).

Best anecdote ever!! This made me smile so much :)

hahaha me too, so funny.

Ha ha! Untangling lights gives me nose sweats. So frustrating!

yes for sure!

I disagree completely on the parents. Some people had tough childhoods, suffering physical or emotional trauma that no one else could ever understand. No one should be judged based on how they treat their parents.

I used to think you could tell a lot about a person by the way they treat their parents too, but I learned it isn’t always accurate, as some others have suggested. I was initially kind of appalled to see a colleague who seemed pretty bossy and terse towards his mom. I learned later that during childhood his mom had a lot of problems with addiction and often left her family struggling, and he grew up having to take care of his younger sibling and trying to hold the family together. I’m not saying the mom doesn’t deserve to be treated gently, but I am more understanding of why it would be difficult for my colleague to do so.

Agree with Rebecca, there are cases where this can be telling, but not always. My boyfriend is estranged from his mother (…a nicer way of saying he doesn’t speak to her) because she has been emotionally abusive to him his whole life (which I witnessed firsthand, he stopped speaking to her a few years into our relationship). And then I think back to a former abusive relationship, and that guy was pretty nice to his parents. So that means nothing.

Also here to add that I disagree about the parents bit, to a point.. I stand by the statement that you need to watch how a man treats his mom/sister/talks about his past girlfriends — it will say a lot about how he views women. Otherwise.. In high school I remember being critiqued by a “friend” who said I was rude to my parents.. There was a lot of heavy verbal abuse going on behind closed doors but we were a “perfect family” to the community.

Unless you’re not a dog lover…I love animals but dogs are not at the top of the list by a long shot. Cats, tree frogs, rabbits, foxes, etc. heck even trees go over dogs for me.

I was thinking the same thing! I’m at an age now where I’ve had several friends go through divorces, and having seen my own parents’ divorce, I can say with confidence that the kindest, most level-headed people can do insane, out-of-character things when they’ve had their hearts broken. This is just being human. I would maybe replace that big slice with “have a fight with them.” I don’t think you really know someone until you’ve had an argument.

hahahaha just googled it: “Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”

This was my first thought!

Seeing people at their most stressful time really is who they are. that’s when how you act counts the most. it’s easier to act kind and generous when it’s all sunshine and butterflies, and that’s not who they really are.

i love this, marilisa. xoxo

Oh goodness….I may have just teared up a bit. There are good ones out there…

I’m so glad you shared this. I love this story.

I love this – my sister is very active with the special needs community and took one of the boys she has been camp counselor for to his prom. It made his night of course! Her then fiance got jealous and huffy and puffy about it and was totally a jerk. It was one of her red flags that she shouldn’t marry him!